The wobble
I hate this card.
I hate it because I find it extremely confronting. Something seizes in my chest whenever I pull it. It highlights where I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
The face it has presented lately is one of anxiety and confusion. It’s a card of ups and downs, but I mostly feel the lows here.
Indecision can be tormenting.
The ships in the background are facing rough waters. Do you know what it feels like to be in a ship on those waves? Terrifying and totally consuming, likely.
There is also another positioning that this card speaks to. An experienced captain knows how to move the ship through those ups and downs.
Oddly, there is no storm depicted. It’s an empty sky, which tells us the storm is really perception. It’s in your head.
He’s a juggler, but he is not the Fool. He is a performer. He is alone. Perhaps he performs this dance is for himself. Perhaps he likes it.
It reminds me of being stuck in mental loops, especially with the infinity symbol. There is no indication that he will ever stop this juggling act. There is no indication that he will come to decisive action.
In a way, it means being suspended mid-action, the way a PTSD flashback leaves you feeling frozen in time, or like a record that keeps skipping, playing the same three chords over and over again.
The ship remains frozen just before the crest of the wave, like that moment before a rollercoaster’s first plunge. Delicious agony, in a way. “Fun,” some call it.
But imagine that rollercoaster moment starts skipping like a record. Imagine it lasts days, weeks, months.
Imagine it’s a loop of infinity. I mean, that’s basically what’s happening in the background always until we face and resolve our shit.
Get me out of this loop.